Greetings and Sallytations!
Happy Thanksgiving week! This is the week we should be grateful and thankful. I guess I’ll start with being thankful for my two front teeth.
Last week, I had my husband throw in a frozen pizza for a quick dinner. It came out pretty dark and almost burnt looking. He said he followed the directions to cook it at 450 degrees. He didn’t see the fine print that read, “for a softer crust, bake at 400 degrees.”
I bit into the crust and I just felt something wasn’t right here. I had a veneer piece on my front tooth that decided to take up residency in the crust. I was just sick. I managed to find the part of my tooth and then did the walk of shame to see how bad it was. It was bad. My front tooth was all messed up and I started searching for a dentist.
Day two of the missing front tooth. I found a dentist and told him I just want this veneer piece glued back on my tooth. Bada bing, bada boom, in and out. Let me mention that I’m afraid to death of going to the dentist. I didn’t sleep all night thinking about this procedure.
First thing they did was take an X-ray and that was all right with me. Mind you, I don’t have dental insurance and just wanted this to go as quickly as possible. Next, they have this big consultation with me. The dentist explained that he could possibly make a new veneer and that would require pictures. I should’ve just said no photos, but what did I know.
The assistant comes in with these barbaric metal mouth guards and stretched my lips in order to take these pictures. I could feel the drool building up. The pain was increasing. Tears were forming in my eyes. Please, please just glue on the old piece that I brought in a baggie. I just want to hop ship.
The dentist comes back and blows up the pictures. It was like seeing a horror movie in my mouth. I didn’t realize I had any facial hair until this camera showed every flaw. I felt like I could give ZZ Top a run for the money.
The dentist then highly recommends I get braces. BRACES? I’m almost 62. No way am I getting braces. I’ll happily be buried with my crooked bottom teeth. I told him I just want the veneer glued on.
Now, I’ve been in this chair for more than two hours. I don’t think my lips will ever return to their normal shape after being stretched out with metal devices. Finally, we decide that I would think about my options. Then, after three hours, the veneer piece was glued back on my front tooth.
Now, get ready for the bill. It started at $500 with the photo shoot that I didn’t request. The dentist had said there would be no charge. Nothing like wheeling and dealing from the dental chair. The X-ray was $100 and the three-minute glue job was $200. This outfit was the Jesse James Gang in medical garb. Once again, so many lessons learned. To start with, never cook a pizza at 450 degrees.
Now I’m grateful I can smile again and my two front teeth are back to normal. Afterward, I thought I could’ve got a flight back to Minnesota and gone to my wonderful dentist. It would’ve been far more reasonable to repair. But, it’s over. I’m thankful to have teeth to chew with for Thanksgiving dinner. I will forever be paranoid to eat pizza crust again or anything tough. Bagels might be out too.
We are going to a neighbor’s home for Thanksgiving dinner. It will be a wonderful feast filled with a potluck paradise. Two words: elastic waistband. I’m always blown away by all the time that goes into this holiday feast and how fast it’s all consumed. Then, inevitably, watching people pass out on the couch. We all seem to go into some form of tryptophan food coma.
I’m going to focus on some kind of portion control. I’ll keep thinking about eating carefully not to lose a tooth. I can’t afford another trip to a Florida dentist.
Black Friday awaits, but this year I have a new system. I think I will avoid all retail shops and head to the pool. It’s a much safer way to spend the day. I will also try to avoid leftovers. That’s my plan.
I’m thinking of my Minnesota family and friends. I’m wishing you all a wonderful holiday weekend. Stay warm.
Sally Yuccas lives in Virginia, MN, and winters in Naples, FL.