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2017-08-11 / Sallyworld

SALLY WORLD

He said, she said: Mark and Sally verbally spar
By Mark and Sally Yuccas
HTF Columnists

This week’s column is going to be a little departure from what normally appears in this space. This is Sally’s husband Mark and I’ll use the first half of this column responding to the misstatements, half truths, and distortions Sally leveled my way in her column last week. She will use the second half of this column in an attempt to obscure and mischaracterize the facts I will now present in my defense.

First of all, Sally stated that I said our fourth anniversary was coming up. I didn’t say that. I said our anniversary was coming up. It is actually our third anniversary. Obviously the poor girl has been so giddy with happiness that she has lost track of time. She was, however, speaking the truth when she referred to me as “Mr. Romance.”

She made light of the fact that I offered to take her to Costco in Brainerd as an anniversary present. She omitted the fact that I told her I would buy her whatever she wanted “within reason.” I appeal to all men – what does a guy in his 60s buy for his wife when he knows she loves to pick out what she wants, has everything she needs, and usually turns up her nose when I do try to buy her something?

I thought it was a stroke of genius to offer a shopping spree, on me, at a store that has everything. Imagine my surprise when I was ridiculed in print for this act of loving generosity. Sally went on to describe her anguish in deciding to buy a copper frying pan. Can anyone out there visualize what her reaction would have been had I purchased one of those for her as an anniversary gift? I’d be wearing that pan as a hat when they wheeled me into the emergency room.

Sally asked if the shopping extravaganza included dinner. I will answer that with a resounding, “Yes!” The KFC in the Brainerd area has an excellent lunch buffet for eight bucks. Another instance where she may choose whatever she wants!

Lastly, Sally stated that she stumbled across some silverware at the lake that I claimed I had totally forgotten about. I had not forgotten about it, I had hidden it because I knew what would happen if Sally got her hands on it. She also said that I realized I didn’t have the space for it so gave it to her to bring back to Virginia. I think her nose grew six inches when she concocted that falsehood.

I realized, like all men do at some point, that there are some battles that are unwinnable and you have to cut your losses rather than endure living with a sullen, pouting spouse for the rest of your days. I assume I will now be seeing my fancy silverware show up at every potluck, picnic, and library function from Coleraine to Mountain Iron, Virginia to Hoyt Lakes. Okay Sally, I’ve said my piece. The floor is now yours.

I'll meet Mark half way on this. I may have stretched it a bit, but the silverware ordeal was real. I have witnesses from Chicago who can verify my side. I am guilty, however, for not remembering it's our third anniversary. Mark was correct.

We were married during the Merritt Days Parade. If I had to do it all over again, I'd still pick the parade as a wedding venue. My goal was to have a parade go over half and hour and, by getting married during the parade, this goal was met. We'll end it now since there should be no bickering on our third year of bliss.

I'm at that age where I'm not quite ready for Depends, but I need some type of protection in case I cough or laugh too hard. I stopped at a new store to purchase a personal hygiene item. The cashier couldn't get the price to ring up and I told her it was $2.99. The cashier decided to yell across the store to her coworker, "How much are these bladder leak liners?” The lady looking says, “The super giant pads, the medium ones, or the skinny liners?" Thank God I had the skinny liners!

The fellow behind me had a hard time keeping a straight face. I wanted to say I was picking them up for my relative in the nursing home but I couldn't think fast enough. I don’t know why the scanner managed to scan my paint, shorts, cereal, aspirin, etc. Finally, the two cashiers agreed that I was right at $2.99.

Tales from the scales. I took a bad hit this week. I blame it all on a wedding last weekend. The dinner included all my favorites such as champagne chicken, sarmas, rice, spuds, and grilled veggies. The dessert table had the best cupcakes, cookie bouquets, and some of the finest potica I've ever had. Add to that late night Dave's pizza at the end of the dance. It was a splendid event and worth the excessive calorie intake.

If you're looking for things to do this week, come on over to Mt. Iron and enjoy Merritt Days. Plus, we’ll be celebrating our third anniversary all week during this event. Over and out!

Sally and Mark Yuccas live in Virginia, MN.

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