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Out of the Blue
I suffered through it for a while as I tried to go back to sleep. I finally got up and took a cool shower. It seemed to worsen. Then nausea joined the party. I glanced through my medicine cabinet. As usual, it was barren of pain medication; I loathe pills. After briefly considering wandering into oncoming traffic, in desperation, I went to the place that has all the answers: Facebook. (Duh.)
I simply posted “Migraine remedies?” Instantly, my post was inundated with tips from friends and foes alike. It got so frantic at one point that all the new comment pings were making the migraine worse, and I had to get up and mute my laptop and silence my phone. I attempted to read all the suggestions – a difficult proposition when even the slightest bit of light was painful – and eventually fell asleep from exhaustion before attempting any of the fixes other than “sleep in a cool, dark room.”
I should be thankful. I’ve only had a handful of migraines in my adulthood. The worst were when I was a child and gave myself heat exhaustion several times – I don’t do sun well. I can still remember all-too-vividly being curled up in a ball on the floor in the basement in Babbitt at eight years old, aware of a delirious demon pounding a spike through my temples.
In the interest of humanity and saving others who suffer from migraines, I’ve decided to share the advice I received. Maybe it’ll work for somebody. And maybe I’ll try them myself someday, should the dreaded migraine return.
(Thank you, by the way, to everyone who chimed in. Seriously. In spite of what’s to follow here...)
“I have heard but never tried…give yourself a brain freeze.” and “Give yourself an ice cream headache; it helps lessen if not make the pain go away completely. It helps me!”
These points were made early on. I considered my ice cream selection in the freezer – cherry fudge chunk and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and mint gelato – and decided I would prefer plain vanilla in my condition, thank you very much. And, I was all out of hot fudge. Plus, I didn’t think I could hold anything down. I noted as much which brought this response.
“Put an ice cube to the roof of your mouth. It will start the process.”
My one ice cube tray has monster twoinch square cubes. I may have a smart mouth, but it’s typically rather quiet than big. And wait just a minute, I hate ice cream headaches!
“I have found that lying in a dark sauna seems to tame it while my meds try to kick in.”
I concur. Saunas cure most ills. So will someone please drop off a sauna?
“Booze and smokes. Oh wait.”
Very funny, my friend.
Isn’t that illegal?
“Grape juice is supposed to help.”
Knew I should have planted that vineyard.
I forgot to schedule my injection for this month! How do you think I maintain my youthful appearance? By sleeping?
“It’s not a quick remedy, but Nrf2 helps prevent migraines over time.”
The next time a migraine sends me a memo that says it’ll be dropping by soon, I’ll be sure to pick this stuff up.
“Thrive” and “Plexus Slim, aka Pink Drink” and “Quantum Health Migrelief” and “Life- Vantage Protandium.”
Question is this: Do I have to start at the bottom of the pyramid? And: When do I get my new Lexus? Also, pink is my color, so there’s that.
“I got my daith pierced! So far it has helped!”and “Daith piercing!”
Note to self: Figure out what a daith is. Sounds made-up.
“Move out of Minnesota.”
Seems to be a bit extreme. What if the migraine follows? Can I get a restraining order?
“Florida.” “I honestly haven’t had one since I’ve been down here.”
Your gloating isn’t helping.
“Cold cloth over the eyes.” and “Hot wash cloth to the back of your neck.”
What if I mix these two up? Will my head explode?
“Ice pack on the neck.”
That’ll go perfect with the hot wash cloth!
“Massage and chiropractor helps if you get them a lot.”
I don’t. But a massage sounds nice. I’m about three years overdue for one.
“If you find a cure, TELL ME.”
“Goody’s (Cool Orange) headache powders” and “Bayer back and headache meds” and “Excedrin migraine” and “Aleve” and “two Benadryl” and “four ibuprofen and two Excedrin” and “Tylenol and a can of Coke.”
Can I take these all at once? I am a little worried about the can of Coke though.
“Feet and hands in hot water, ice pack on the back of your neck.”
Trying to figure out a way to levitate over my sink. It’s either that or make a duct tape drain plug for the tub.
“Make fists in ice water.”
Could I do that in glass, like Jean-Claude Van Damme in Bloodsport?
“Pressure on your pressure points.”
I think I need a map.
“Peppermint oil…helps with the nausea as well.” and “Lavender oil works too.”
Score! I have both of those. Way…over… there…
All I know is all this advice is making my head hurt.
Until next time…
Brian Miller is a longtime local writer who resides in Eveleth. He welcomes glowing accolades and scathing reviews at email@example.com.