Out of the Blue

“Hey, hey, hey. D.A. is in the house!”

Oh, great. (Sigh.)

“That’s no way to treat an old friend! I figured I’d stop by since obviously you had your column art redesigned in honor of me. I’m the halo, huh!? That was nice for you to think of me that way.”

Yeah, you’re the angel. Sure, the halo is for you. If it will get you to leave.

“Leave? Why would I do that.

I’ve got a lot to say.”

And here we go.

(For those unfamiliar with D.A., he’s my friend who stops by to argue with, and as he would say, edu-ma-cate me about sports. Mostly he just issues taunts with little factual basis and tends to be a bit overbearing.)

BM: So. What does the rocket surgeon want to discuss today. Or today are you masquerading as a brain scientist?

DA: Today I’ve come to set you straight on all things NFL. And MLB, not that you seem to care about baseball anymore.

BM: It’s hard to bring myself to care about baseball when my favorite pro sports team is and has been the laughingstock of

the American League for about two-thirds of the season. Watching the Yankees celebrate their 16th postseason trip in the last 17 years last night was enough to make me slam my head against the wall. Repeatedly. However, I promise my interest will be piqued if the Red Sox complete this epic collapse along with the Braves and/or if my guy Torii Hunter and the Angels finish off their rally with a postseason appearance. But I can’t help but feel a little lethargic when Mauer, Morneau and Minnesota imploded so impressively this season.

DA: Now you just sound like a frontrunner, which you always accuse me of being. I’m sure you’ve hopped off the Vikings’ bandwagon already.

BM: If the Vikings had a bandwagon this season, I never heard anything about it. Truth is, the Vikings have a lot of issues, not the least of which is relying on another veteran retread at QB to try salvage a playoff berth. Their secondary can obviously not be trusted still and their offensive line and receivers are mediocre. It sounds like Coach Leslie Frazier will stick with Donovan McNabb for the time being, but after his pathetic week one showing and miserable second half showing last week, he has to be seriously considering the Christian Ponder era sooner or later, especially if the season is a lost cause.

DA: So you want to throw the rookie to the dogs?

BM: I’d sooner the Vikes didn’t play him until the second half of the schedule (unless McNabb is as awful the next couple of weeks as he has been to start the year). By then, it’ll be obvious whether they have any chance of a playoff run, and the Packers will be off the schedule along with the game at Chicago. Don’t laugh now, but the Vikings do have a chance to be 3-2 heading into the latter game. Week 4 at the reeling Chiefs is eminently winnable as is Week 5 hosting the Cardinals. The key is this week against the red-hot Lions (10 straight wins counting this preseason), who are favored by four points. This could be a trap game for Detroit, which has lost 13 straight games at the Metrodome, however. Either way, I expect the Lions to give the rest of the division a run for its money for the title this season, provided they can stay healthy.

DA: Weren’t the Lions your team back in the day? It has to have killed you to watch them stink it up for the past decade-plus.

BM: Yes. Their outstanding wide receiver Herman Moore was my favorite player back when I was in high school and remains to this day the favorite interview I’ve ever done. And of course, how could you not root for Barry Sanders. When the two of them retired, I lost a lot of interest in the Lions, which has since been rekindled by Calvin Johnson, Matthew Stafford and a boy named (Ndamukong) Suh. If the Vikings continue to falter, I’d love to see the Lions make a run in the NFC North this year. Far better than pulling for the Packers or Bears. Ugh.

DA: So how’s your bromance with Tom Brady going? Did you

send him flowers and candy yet?

BM: Now that’s just low. Let me tell you something about how good Tom Brady has been lately, and this goes back to last season, not just the first two games of this year, where all he’s done is throw for 940 yards and seven TDs, easily the best start for a QB in NFL history.

In his last eight regular season games, Brady has topped 10.5 yards per passing attempt (not completion, mind you). That is mind-boggling, considering 1) he had only done it six times in his previous 139 games; 2) Peyton Manning only has done it 17 times in 208 career games; 3) Dan Marino just eight times in 242 career games; 4) Brett Favre just 12 times in 302 career games.

That’s how good a stretch this has been for Brady. It’s otherworldly. And efficiency, far more than QB rating, passing yards or touchdown passes is a far better indicator of team success than any other stat because it shows how effectively the team moves the ball down the field. Not surprisingly, the Patriots are 8-0 in that span. So yes, I still think Tom Brady is the best QB on the planet, and quite possibly, the best to ever play the game. And I probably undervalued the Patriots at 12 wins this season. They look like they’ll win another 14 again.

DA: So when will you admit that you were wrong about Cam Newton?

BM: If you knew how to read, you’d know that I did last week. Newton has been nothing short of amazing with his start, becoming just the sixth quarterback in league history(!!!) to throw for 400 yards in back-to-back games. I simply didn’t see Cam being so patient in the pocket and so accurate when he wasn’t either of those in college. It’s looking more and more like the spread offense is here to stay in the NFL. I feel bad for Charlie Ward who was devalued because he ran that offense at Florida State and never got a shot.

DA: Can you believe all this talk about Tony Romo, like he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread now? A week ago, everyone was jumping down his throat.

BM: It’s a finicky “what-haveyou done-me-lately” society we live in, that’s for sure. What Romo did Sunday made Jay Cutler look like a prom princess. The Dallas QB fractured a rib AND punctured a lung on the third play of the game against the 49ers, yet played the entire game and overtime with a fractured rib and a punctured lung! He also threw for 300 yards and the 77-yard game-winning field goal setup pass to the fifth-string WR who was only in the game was Romo’s two best receivers were hurt (and the only reason he’s in the league is because he won a reality show). I’ve always liked Romo even though he plays for the Cowboys because he’s always seemed like a genuinely good guy, plus he was always an underdog. This just gives me another reason to respect him.

DA: I’ve got Green Bay as the team to beat and the Vikings as the worst team in the league right now.

BM: I’ll take as my top five: New England, Green Bay, Philadelphia (I don’t see them losing that game if Vick’s not nicked), Houston (that defense is humming like the offense now) and Detroit (they still haven’t played their best yet). As my bottom three: Kansas City (the bottom has fallen out for the Chiefs with season-ending injuries to their best player in each side of the ball), Seattle (the T-Jack era hasn’t started off so well), Indianapolis (who knew Peyton was that good?)

And now I’m kicking D.A. out of here before I’m tempted to stroll into oncoming traffic.

Until next time…

Brian Miller is a longtime local sports writer. He is equally amenable to glowing accolades and scathing reviews at miller24bri@gmail.com.