SOpOorts ut of the blue

I happened across a web site called I Write Like, which analyzes excerpts and spits out a name of an author you are sup- posedly similar, too. That piqued my interest, so I randomly picked out one of my columns and plugged it in and held my breath hoping for Twain, Dickens or at least the Sports Guy.

The result? David Foster Wallace. Now just who is David Foster Wallace? Turns out it’s the late David Foster Wallace. He committed suicide a couple of years ago.

And we’re not off to a good start.

Wallace is best known for his parody of a future North America called Infinite Jest.

Hey, I love to jest. The comparison is getting better.

Infinite Jest is also a tome of more than 1000 pages.

Some of my columns are interminable. If the glove fits…

Finally, this from Wikipedia. “Wallace used many forms of irony … (and) often combined various writing modes or voices, and incorporated jargon and vocabulary (sometimes invented).. His writing featured self-generated abbreviations and acronyms, long multi-clause sentences, and a notable use of explanatory … endnotes.”

Now I’m scared. Who are you I Write Like? Are you stalking me? So I tend to argue with myself, occasionally make up words and love long multi-clause sentences. Is that a crime? David Foster Wallace has three names; he sounds like an assassin like Lee Harvey Oswald or John Wilkes Booth. Aaargh. Leave me alone! I have a column to write.

Ask a Writer

I received an e-mail a couple of months ago from a reader wanting to know the history of the popular summer game of bean bags.

Bean bags is more commonly known as Cornhole and also variously called baggo, tailgate toss or simply bags. The name cornhole has to with the fact that in some areas, the bags are filled with kernels of corn. They can also be filled with beans or rice, hence the other names. It is popular throughout the Midwest and the Rust Belt States.

Regardless, the premise of the game is to throw the bags into raised platforms with holes in them. Regulation platforms are four feet long by two feet wide, while three by two boards are also used. The back end is raised one foot above the ground, while the six-inch diameter holes are centered horizontally nine inches from the back of the board. The boards are set up 33 feet apart from hole to hole.

Teams of two play head-tohead to 21. There are scoring variations (whether you have to land exactly on 21 or just get there first and whether the team who scored throws first the next round or last, i.e. keeps the ‘hammer”). One team member plays from each board. Players alternate throws. Bags that fall through the hole are worth three points. Bags that land and stay on the board through the end of the round are worth one point. Points cancel out. For instance: If Team A throws two bags in the hole and one on the board for seven points, and Team B throws one in the hole and two on the board for five points, Team A scores two points (7-5=2).

Now, the origination of the game gets a bit more interesting. It depends on who you believe. If you ask Gary Flaim, he’ll tell you he invented it, but I doubt that, although he has been playing it since before it became quite popular in the late 1990s.

Cincinnatians claim they started the game on the west side of town, and that it has worked its way across the Midwest ever since. Cincinnati has a strong German influence, and there are multiple stories that a German farmer brought the game over to the States.

Another yarn has a Midwestern farmer named Jebediah Magillicutty coming up with the game, while folks in the hills of Kentucky also claim they started the game.

My favorite origin story goes back to ancient Egypt, in which bored slaves entertained themselves by throwing rocks at holes in the ground.

Whatever the origin, like bocce ball, holey board or lawn darts, it’s a fun summer game to play with family and friends. (What? They banned lawn darts? Those were the best when I was 6-years-old.)

Boards and bags are easy to fabricate at home and plans on how to make them are readily available online. Or you can buy a set many places online or at summer festivals.

Speaking of, I gotta fly. I have a bags tourney to run today.

Until next time…

Brian Miller is a longtime local sports writer and the co-founder of iSportsNorth. He currently resides in Eveleth and can be reached at miller24bri@gmail. com.